Feelings

While discussing general ER happenings with a friend, we got onto the topic of cancer and people being dicks. I'll be completely honest - having cancer is like a get out of jail free card with me. One can pretty much be the meanest person ever but I'll be like, eh, not mad because cancer sucks and I'd be hateful too probably.

But a few weeks ago I had a patient who was just the absolute worst - he had some serious cancer issues going on but signed out AMA from the ER almost immediately. As is his right, but when I asked him to sign the forms, he said "I'm not signing anything for you, you cunt." And walked out.

So when I saw that he was back in the ER the other day and trying to sign out AMA again, I just kinda shook my head. I know cancer sucks - really, it does - but I found I had zero sympathy for the dude. He's gonna die, and probably soon, and I didn't care at all what happened to him.

Does this make me a mean person? Or am I right to not care about someone after they were genuinely horrible to me? I don't know how to feel about it - on the one hand, I get that cancer is awful and I can't expect someone to have the warm fuzzies towards everyone all the time, but on the other hand I can't easily forgive someone calling me awful names and being terrible just because they wanted to. I don't know. I feel guilty for not caring but at the same time I feel indignant because he was an absolute dick to me.

Feelings. I haz them, and they keep me up blogging at 0300. Ugh.